Duh, okay Knuckles
Gord (Knuckles) Reid, Toban Staff
Well, it's been a week and they haven't yanked me yet. In fact, they've given me prizes to award. With no further delay, let's probe into the collective mind of the student body.
"He wants to probe your body...huh huh huh...that's cool...huh huh huh."
"Yeah, yeah, probing is cool...heh heh heh."
Dear Knuckles,
How many raisins are there in a dollar?
-- Adam Bacchus, Engineering II
Well, Adam, we all know that raisins are just dried-up grapes. So, keeping this in mind, I think that the raisin:dollar ratio should be equal to the grape:dollar ratio. Now, the Fruit of the Loom logo has 29 grapes on it (14 green and 15 purple -- yes, I checked). The average three-pack of Fruit of the Loom men's briefs runs about $8. That works out to $2.67 per brief. This equates to just over 9 cents per grape. In all, my calculator tells me that there are 10.875 grapes (and therefore, raisins) in a dollar. Like I'm going to argue with it...
Dear Knuckles,
What's up?
-- Greg Single, Science I
Hmmm...what's up? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S UP!! Okay, I had to get that out of my system. Well, this weekend, I had the opportunity to sample the next soft drink craze . Look for Pepsico (the soft drink/fast food corporate monolith) to come out with my brother Kelly's creation -- Dr. Dew. To experience Dr. Dew, as I did at the KFC buffet in Grand Forks, mix two parts Dr. Pepper to one part Mountain Dew.
However, Dr. Dew should not be confused with Dr. Do, the older and more responsible brother of Mr. Do. While Mr. Do decided to make a living traipsing around in some cheesy early 80's video game, Dr. Do went on to get his medical degree and is now an orthopedic surgeon in Wellington, New Zealand. Where is Mr. Do now? Probably dropping rotting apples on his pursuants on the Value Village Colecovision rack.
Congratulations to Greg Single for winning this week's prize -- whatever it may be. Drop by the Manitoban office (105 University Centre) to claim your bon-bon. And remember, all questions can be left at the Toban or e-mailed to me at umreid12@cc.umanitoba.ca.
This article first ran in The Manitoban, Vol. 83, No. 11 (October 25, 1995). I started the article by being thankful the column ran again. I thank then-Features Editor Jody Grant for having faith in me, and my column.
I'm hardly into the second paragraph before the column dates itself...and my maturity level at the time it was written. Hey...it was 1995, and Beavis and Butthead were still semi-relevant. This, of course was before Mike Judge moved on to King of the Hill and Office Space.
Adam Bacchus was one of my fraternity brothers; he pledged and initiated with me in November 1994. Although he didn't remain in the fraternity for very long, we remained relatively close, and wound up working together at Convergys.