Duh, okay Knuckles
Gord (Knuckles) Reid, Toban Staff
Welcome to my little haven in the Toban. What you will see here for (hopefully) the rest of the academic year is my attempt to address the problems that you (and therefore, I) deem important to our society. This is as much your column as it is mine; it's your material, I just provide the punchlines.
I will warn you now: don't take very much of what I say to be the written law of the way things are. I will lie, I will obfuscate and I will use big words simply because they sound really cool. I will invent sources, references and facts to suit my means. Isn't journalism fun?
Let's get started, shall we?
Dear Knuckles,
What exactly is a "poogybutt?"
-- Valerie Klassen, Education III
Well Val, to answer this I had to consult the journalist's most often-used reference source: Webster's Obscure Origins of Nonexistent Words (1981). I found that "poogybutt" derives from the old French "pourgit," meaning "dimpled or pockmarked." Originally, the term was used to describe rough, uneven farmland, but later came to be used to describe one's complexion.
The word, now in limited use, is spelled "pougit" (poo-ZHEE). However, the use of "pougit" is not considered complimentary in France and should be avoided unless one is very familiar with a person.
An obscure American writer named Alan Duvrey published a detective novel entitled Night of the Pooge in 1947. This remains one of the only English references to the term.
I would assume "poogybutt" to be a term of endearment -- one you'd use to refer to a senile grandparent or a favoured pet. It should not be considered appropriate for someone intelligent or sentient enough to know what it means.
Dear Knuckles,
Have you ever noticed how user-unfriendly the libraries' Bison system is?
-- Ee Koon Goh, Arts III
Yes, I have. I did some research and came up with some very interesting evidence. I found Microsoft cheque stubs in the garbage outside both the Dafoe and Health Sciences libraries. Apparently Bill Gates, the überprogrammer himself, has been paying U of M librarians out of a clandestine account to sabotage Bison. Gates wants the university to switch to MS Bookworm, Microsoft's library database. When you're worth $12 billion, you usually get what you want.
Coincidentally, MS Bookworm was scheduled to be released under the name "Wichita," but cost overruns and programming errors forced its release date back over a year.
Check back next week when I'll tell you all about MS Bob, Microsoft's dismally flawed foray into personal organizers.
Need an answer to a question that's been plaguing humankind for centuries? Drop off your question(s) at the Toban at 105 University Centre or e-mail Knuckles himself at umreid12@cc.umanitoba.ca. The best questions will receive prizes!
This article first ran in The Manitoban, Vol. 83, No.10 (October 18, 1995). I didn't realize how this column, which would up running in the Toban regularly for over two years, would change my life. In reality, it didn't make many long-term changes, but it did afford me minor celebrity status on campus for that timespan. I was one of the most recognizable names in the newspaper, and the column was widely regarded -- especially within the Faculty of Engineering, a decidedly anti-Toban demographic -- as the only thing worth reading in the newspaper. Not to sound arrogant, of course...
I met Val (now happlily married and living under a new last name) on IRC the previous winter. We'd chatted on IRC, I tracked her down to the computer lab where she was working, and we became very close friends. As a bonus, I "inherited" her friend Julia in the deal (just kidding, Jules). I can't remember exactly how it started, but I began calling her "Poogybutt" on IRC...hence her question.
I met Koon through a mutual friend, Suzie (or, as she preferred, Siouxzeigh). Very interesting woman...sensuous, attractive, busty (and thus, slathered upon by my fraternity brother, Twitch) As of this October, she was living in her native Malaysia working as a journalist. Damn, I owe her an e-mail.
Please note that I took my first potshots at Bill Gates some six years ago, before slandering him became a national pasttime. Also note his approximated net worth... it seems a pittance to what he has now. And to think, we envied his wealth then.