Past your bedtime

Gord Reid

"Round up the usual suspects!" cry the authorities. Tragedy has befallen Wiseguys on Campus! The coveted and most revered Delta Upsilon "Geek of the Week" trophy has been craftily stolen from the bar. This relic's presentation has become a Friday night fixture at the campus pub and is sorely missed.

If the person who lifted the trophy is reading this, take one thing to heart: YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE. We will find you. We will make you watch hundreds of hours of "The Hogan Family" and "The Facts of Life" while duct-taped naked to a very cold metal folding chair. We will give you free beer if you bring it back. You decide what you want more...

The trophy was taken last Wednesday night during the always wild and wooly (nb. sheep not included) Rez Night. How could the Wiseguys staff not be distracted with people crowing around the bar demanding all those $1.25 shooters and 10¢ BBQ wings?

Visit the Crispy Crunch Couple Search booth this Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to watch or compete in the selection of Canada's "best couple." What an occasion for a first date. The winner will be announced Saturday, January 20th.

Some of Winnipeg's hottest up-and-coming bands will be stopping in to Wiseguys on Campus in the coming weeks. Thursday, January 18th sees Dionysian Smile drop in. Starting Monday, January 22nd, Wiseguys on Campus celebrates Celebration Week by hosting bands every night. Stop in to see Transister (Monday), Chains on 20 (Tuesday), Fishmonger (Wednesday), The Wyrd Sisters (Thursday - $8.00 cover, tickets available at Answers), and Sans John Henry (Friday). The week culminates with a University College and St. John's Residence Social. See the respective colleges for tickets.

At Wiseguys Downtown, Gypsy (featuring Winnipeg Blue Bombers placekicker Troy Westwood) is playing until Saturday, January 20th. Next week, Downtown is visited by Winnipeg's own Shake Naked from Tuesday until Saturday. And remember, Friday nights at Wiseguys Downtown are miles ahead of any club in the city. Mosey up to the free all-you-can-eat buffet between 5:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. and take advantage of $2.25 beer, shots and wine during the happiest happy hour (4 - 8 p.m.) in recorded history.

Well, almost

This article first ran in The Manitoban, Vol. 83, No. 20 (January 17, 1996). As with my news writing and my "Duh, Okay Knuckles" column, I needed a few mulligans before I found my swing. Unfortunately, my do-overs actually saw print. By this issue, I seem to have hit my stride, requisite advertising hyperbole included.

Assuming nothing else can be taken from this article, it does serve as a record of some of the shitty band names in use in Winnipeg during the mid-1990s.