April 13, 2003 (3:19 a.m. CDT)
I spent much of the last hour working on other pages on the site, mainly the addition of the first member of the Cast of Characters: my number two dog, Gretchen. More cast members will be added in the coming weeks, so keep your eyes out for familiar names...

I had hoped that waiting an hour or so would allow more funky search engine referrals to be generated, but this is not the case. To tide you over until tomorrow, here are the two most "interesting":
Rolf Benirschke images -- Nothing says "Download me!" more than pictures of legendary NFL placekickers! (13th, Google)
large pieces in said oily ass movie clip -- Europeans and their obsessions with "larg pices," whatever those are. (2nd, Yahoo)

The last few days has seen me caught in a few "compromising" positions with some of the mannequins. Sometimes, the only remaining garment of a specific size or color is the display model. Most people give up quickly, settling for other clothes (often from other stores). But the assertive and determined are rewarded; if you ask me nicely to pull a blouse off a dummy, usually I will. Yesterday, I was able to undress the same sexy female figure twice, and only scant minutes apart. (Don't get too creeped out, this mannequin was notably devoid of orifices -- or nipples, or even a head if you're keeping score -- so nothing terribly scandalous took place.) Fungushead later suggested that I carve my own vagina into the dummy, which would probably earn me a kick to the ass from the store manager. (And no, I hadn't considered it before the wife mentioned it.)

April 13, 2003 (2:12 a.m. CDT)
A note to the disenthralled and bitchy: I don't care what you jackasses say about my new layout, because I like it. And if you can't read the new font, then hover the mouse and read the alt text. Or be daring and try clicking on the link.

Oh, you funny Rangers! Losing 13-4 is not the way to win a pennant! GOAT OF THE DAY: Starter Ryan Drese, who just arrived from the AA Frisco RoughRiders. Drese, now blessed with a career ERA of 135.00, retired one batter and gave up five runs off of four hits, three walks and a hit batsman. TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 154 (Oakland lost again.) GAMES AHEAD OF THE TIGERS IN THE WILDCARD RACE: 2.5

Fucking B.J. sent me this link, which defies description. It's a Flash animation depicting stick figure sex, so it may not be appropriate for all connections and/or audiences.

April 12, 2003 (3:39 a.m. CST)
I'm in a foul and bitter mood. One of the SB3 judges cast her vote a few hours ago (old link removed), and it wasn't for me. While the fact that she voted for someone else hurt a slight bit, the fact remains that Joey deserved the vote just as much as I did. What upset me was her reasoning. Instead of boring you with details, just read my rebuttal (old link removed) to her. Okay, I've vented and I'm back to being unangry again.

But back to happier things... inexplicable search engine referrals!
hottub training seminar -- Just how stupid do you have to be to be told how to use a hottub? "Step 1. Disrobe until you reach the desired level of nudity. Add swimwear if necessary. Step 2. Climb into hottub and sit down. Step 3. Just sit there, dumbass. You don't do anything else!" (22nd, Yahoo)
sexy nude pics of nelly the guy rapper -- ...as oppposed to "sexy nude pics of nellie olsen from little house on the prairie"? (4th, Yahoo)
women with polka dotted panties inside out on their heads in the st. louis area -- Some people just can't be happy. There's probably some woman in the St. Louis area wearing polka dotted panties on her head, but they're rightside-in and therefore not good enough for Mr. Choosypants over there. (1st, Yahoo)

April 12, 2003 (1:06 a.m. CST)
My back's been sore all day. I'm not sure how I did it, but I think I pulled a muscle somewhere below my right shoulder blade while sleeping. It's not debilitating, just bothersome and persistent.

It had to happen, and I prefer the sooner to the later. The Texas Rangers have managed to string together consecutive victories with a 4-2 defeat of the Mariners in Seattle. It was the complete opposite of most Rangers games, with most of the hits coming from the bottom of the order and the bullpen holding the fort for four innings. GOAT 'REALLY COOL GUY' OF THE DAY: Rafael Palmeiro, who bashed the 494th dinger of his career to move past Lou Gehrig and into 19th on the career home run list. Raffy went 2-for-4 with two runs scored and two RBIs. TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 155 (Oakland lost.)

It looks like I'm going to be a bit of a fixture in the "blogging games" community, as I've been picked to be a judge for Ben's Cam Idol (old link removed). What does this mean, besides the chance to look at boatloads of boobies and wieners? Well, I get to look at boatloads of boobies (and wieners). And I get to chip away at the thin veneers of self-esteem that the competing camgirls and camboys have remaining. I haven't decided if I want to be Simon-y or Randy-y(-y-y?) in my judging style. It depends on how much the contestants suck up.

More blogging goodness in a little bit.

April 11, 2003 (5:36 a.m. CST)
I lied. Friday Five time.

1. What was the first band you saw in concert? -- It was when I was in eighth grade; I think it was Midnight Oil (either them or John Cougar Mellencamp). Midnight Oil was great -- they brought an aborigine didgeridoo player as one of their opening acts. Their set recreated an outback bush camp, complete with the pickup truck from the "Beds Are Burning" video and 55-gallon oil barrels as part of the drum kit.

2. Who is your favorite artist/band now? -- Although their recent work has alienated me somewhat, I'm still a huge Tragically Hip fan.

3. What's your favorite song? -- Oh, so many... From The Hip's catalog, it'd have to be "Locked in the Trunk of a Car" or "Scared." Other permanent residents of my favorite songs list include U2's "Numb," The Gourds' cover of "Gin & Juice" and Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues." Of recent songs, my favorites would have to be Cash's cover of "Hurt," Beck's "Lost Cause," Jack Johnson's "Flake" and Bowling For Soup's "Life After Lisa."

4. If you could play any instrument, what would it be? -- I used to say guitar, but several years of aimlessly puttering with guitars makes me want to learn to play the drums.

5. If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why? -- The obvious response is Johnny Cash -- I mean, the guy was a contemporary of Elvis and still manages to be cool almost fifty years later. Other artists on the short list would be Neil Diamond, Chuck D, George Harrison and Keith Moon.

April 11, 2003 (5:18 a.m. CST)
One more quick update before I run Windows Update and steal away for a few hours of sleep...

While searching for the correct spelling of fickreisen, which roughly translates to "fuck vacation" in German (see previous entry for context), I stumbled upon this treasure: Insultmonger.com. It's a library of insults of a scope and magnitude that I have never before seen. Ethnic jokes, literary retorts and political humor...it has it all. I was impressed by its comprehensive section on how to swear in 102 different languages (Scots Gaelic, for example).

April 11, 2003 (4:07 a.m. CST)
I just got back from an early-morning grocery shopping trip. Buying your foodstuffs in the wee hours of the morning has its advantages: no screaming kids or poorly-driven carts to dodge, discount meat, no lines at the checkout. None of the supermarkets in Winnipeg -- including pseudo-supermarkets like Wal-Mart -- are open past 11 p.m., meaning that 3 a.m. produce shopping urges have to be taken care of by the paltry selection of convenience stores.

Here's a whole shopping cart full of fucked-up search engine referrals:
mike myers characters mumbling drunk star -- For once, a search engine has directed someone to the (almost) right place. Hey friend, Myers was doing his SNL (circa 1994) impression of former Rolling Stones bassist Ron Wood, most notably when Wood interviewed Jodie Foster (Janeane Garofalo) and Liam Neeson (Jeff Daniels) on the set of "Nell." (7th, Yahoo)
wuhan girls for fuck -- Of course, this comes from a German searcher, probably picking destinations for his upcoming fickreisen. (21st, Google.de)
oust air freshener ads -- I get a lot of people coming here looking for videos of ads for things like dog treats, and now air fresheners. (2nd, Google)
vegan feather duster -- Dictionary.com defines "vegan" as "A vegetarian who eats plant products only..." Maybe it's the meat in my belly talking, but I didn't think that people ate feather dusters. Maybe I have it wrong, and it's the feather dusters that are vegans. (20th, Google)
uday honey dogs alive -- When I first saw this, I thought "Uday and the Honey Dogs" would be a good name for a college band. Especially one that does Pearl Jam covers. (5th, Google)
soft corn pornography -- An old wives' tale: "If you're going to film a fuck flick, make sure your cob is hard." Well, not really. Hey fuckonions, it's "softCORE". Unless you're from Nebraska. (14th, Yahoo Canada)
"Sue Bird" nude -- Mmm... tasty Sue Bird (15th, Google)

Sorry about the length of that section. On to the next topic...the Rangers. I have two games to critique, so I should get cracking... Wednesday's game stank. I mean, what can you say about everyday 13-5 losses? GOAT OF THE DAY: You can't expect to give up eight runs in four innings and escape my wrath, Ismael Valdes. TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 159

Proof that anything can happen was handed to me today. I'll let ESPN say it for me: "Carl Everett and Mark Teixeira provided the power and the bullpen saved the day for the Texas Rangers." The Rangers fought back to overtake the Athletics 5-4 Thursday. GOAT 'REALLY COOL GUY' OF THE DAY: Everett, who was 2-for-3 at the plate, including the game-winning homer in the 8th. TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 157

April 9, 2003 (3:56 p.m. CST)
For once, a Rangers loss can't be pinned on the pitching staff. Starter John Thompson had the best day yet for a member of the Rangers' rotation, scattering 7 hits and a lonely run over six innings of work. Cue "reliever" Esteban Yan, who enters the game in the seventh and goes double-single-double and lets the A's score the winning run. (It would've been two runs, but for Juan Gone's rifle of an arm.) GOAT OF THE DAY: (tie) Yan and infielder Mark Teixeira who has yet to hit safely in five games played TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 159

Referral stuff:
shirley manson interview masturbate -- Now tell me again why I haven taped/downloaded this? (5th, Google.co.uk)
dennis hopper sound bites -- Dennis Hopper has had an interesting career. For every Cool Hand Luke and True Romance he's in, there are just as many like Super Mario Bros. and Waterworld. (39th, Google)
radio broadband aledo illinois -- Radio broadband? Do you want to use the radio spectrum for WiFi, or are you looking for streaming radio stations from Aledo? (16th, Google)
game= hurt pillsbury doughboy -- Now there's a game that I'd buy! (8th, Google)

April 8, 2003 (9:20 p.m. CST)
Short update tonight, I'm sick and whiny. Before I'm going to bed, I'm going to prepare some of the images for the Cast of Characters page, and start getting that shit together. The downside of this redesign is the additional content that I have to generate to flesh out my concept. Most of this stuff has been on the drawing board for months, so it's about fucking time, right?

The search engine referral "carnival of madness":
juphell falcis -- Juphell played basketball for the University of Manitoba Bisons in the mid-1990s. I don't recall ever meeting him, just watching him play a few times. (4th, MSN)
download galapagos scheme -- What, do I look like TUCOWS now? (4th, Google Directory)
safeway gas bar steinbach -- I miss shopping at Safeway. I miss the Scotch Buy store brand. I miss their fine selection of frozen perogies. I miss Safeway Select's Dr. Skipper cola (Arrr, it's the seafarin' cola!"). I miss my Good Host Iced Tea. I, on the other hadn, do not miss Steinbach much at all. (9th, Google.ca)
bridget jones's bunny outfit photo -- I've said it before and I'll say it again: a pudgy Renée Zellweger sets my nether regions all a-tingle. (8th, Google.com.au)
chunky guys in panties -- GAH! (53rd, Yahoo)

April 8, 2003 (6:47 a.m. CST)
I'm sure you see the difference. As I've been mentioning, a major site update was in the works, and here it is. Some of the brand new pages need fleshing out, but all of the links should be working. The only pages yet to receive their facelefts are the Toban pages. These will be done by week's end, at the latest.

Syracuse won! The Orangemen beat the heavily-favored Kansas Jayhawks 81-78 last night. This means that my ESPN.com NCAA Tournament bracket (old link removed) tops out at 102nd. In the largest basketball pool in the world. I rule. (I also came within three points of predicting the aggregate score of the game, which makes me even cooler. Sure, Gord.)

April 7, 2003 (4:54 a.m. CST)
After over four years with the same graphics theme, I'm working on a replacement. This was sparked by my post from yesterday, when I rambled a bit about a site reformatting. At the time, I ruled out a graphic redesign, but I'm reconsidering now. I have a good idea, and I have a decent looking font or two. Expect some changes in the next few weeks.

Had I lived a century ago, I would've liked to go on a safari. Not your typical politically-correct 35mm safari, but an Ernest Hemingway, shoot anything that has four legs safari. And, like the triumphant hunter, I'd be carried out of the savannah with a train of dead tigers, gazelle and giraffes following in my wake. Fuck it, I'd just be happy to wear a pith helmet. And to drink the blood of a freshly-slain white rhinoceros.

April 7, 2003 (3:37 a.m. CST)
This morning's entry has the distinct flavor of a jockstrap teabag. Yummy.

Two Rangers games to critique:

What's this? They won? The meaty part of the order spotted Colby Lewis an early four-run lead, and somehow the bullpen failed to piss it away. The result was a 8-4 Texas win over the visiting Seattle Mariners. A-Rod became the youngest player to reach the 300 home run club, too. GOAT 'REALLY COOL GUY' OF THE DAY: Juan Gonzalez, whose two homers accounted for half the team's offense. TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 159

On Sunday, the M's dropped the Rangers 11-2. Ugly. Ugly pitching, ugly hitting (the squad posted a .142 average) and even ugly fielding (two stolen bases against, only one double play, one error). The only bright light seems to be infielder Hank Blalock, who has been batting consistently for power and average. GOAT OF THE DAY: Reliever Jay Powell, who found a way to keep Chan Ho Park from looking like the worst pitcher on the roster (four batters retired, five earned runs). TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 159

Top 500! (old link removed) That's um... 391st in the whole world, or at least out of those million-plus entries received by ESPN.com. And if the Orangemen pull it out... Baby!

Not much on the search engine referral front:
kenny chesney circumcision -- That didn't take him long to show up in my referral log, now did it? (7th, Yahoo)
librarians "erika eleniak" -- When looking at the picture of Erika on her IMDb bio, the word "librarian" is not the first that comes to mind. (34th, Google)
world's least favorite comic -- I'm guessing it's one of "Skanky and Rick: the Junkie Ducklings from Santa Fe", "The Sexual Misadventures of Polytetrafluoroethylene Pam" or "Pools of Bile". (3rd, Google)

April 6, 2003 (5:03 a.m. CST)
Well, the tornado season is upon us. A few storm cells rolled across the northern portions of the Metroplex Saturday evening dropping tennis ball-sized hailstones on the area. We lost a window, and had a second badly cracked. All the window screens on the west wall are peppered with holes torn by the hailstones. Understandably, Caramelhead and the dogs were scared shitless. And me? I was at work folding halter tops and polo shirts. Thankfully, the storms were kind enough not to hurt anybody.

Yesterday, I added a new page to the site. Things I Learned Today will be a bloglike place where I keep track of the... well, the things I learn. It's part of a gradual redesign of the site -- not a visual redesign, but a functional one. I'm going to be redoing the "Knuckles" page, changing it into a "Knuckles" section. Aside from the clunky bio that currently resides there, the new section will include the existing "Favorites" page (currently part of the Rants section), the "Things Learned" page and the Campaign pages (currently floating around in the Gord's Site Ether). I'll be adding a stats/facts page as well. Another section that I'm considering is an "About This Site" section. This will be slightly less interesting, consisting of the existing Previous Updates, PPFN and Copyright & Disclaimer Info pages, as well as a proposed "Cast of Characters" page. Come to think of it, the blog, the Rants page, the Journalism pages and the Quotes page would fit well into a "Words" section. Fuck... that makes sense.

Search engine madness! It's madness, I tell you!
Mike Alstott porn star -- That's funny, I thought he was a tailback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Pro Bowl selection committee thinks he's a fullback, but that's because he's big and white. Haven't heard anything about him doing smut flicks though. (20th, Yahoo)
rubella shot Frisco, TX -- That's me... Gord's House of Flapjacks and Vaccinations. (1st, Yahoo)
rock-n-roll dance foot photos -indian acrobatic -granny -- I'm not quite sure what I find more curious about this search... the fact that someone wants pictures of rock 'n roll dancing -- but with no Indians or old ladies, thank you -- or the fact that the search page comes out in Slovak. If I read the URL correctly, then it's Slovak, although it could pass for Hungarian or Polish to my uneducated eyes. (13th, Google)
hillary duff "at the oscars" -- This search is representative of a few Hillary Duff searches that have popped up the last few days. People want to see pictures of her wearing shorts or, as a few people have requested NOT wearing shorts. Alright kids, first of all it's HILARY Duff (one 'R'). Secondly, she turns sixteen in late September. That's right, she won't be able to drive for another five-and-a-half months. Perverts. (7th, Google)

Time for some baseless random celebrity nonsense:

Eddie was a caddy at an upscale Beverly Hills golf club. He was assigned to a late afternoon foursome one Friday last August. He was bitter, mainly because he wanted to ditch early and go watch the Angels game at his brother's condo. The party was booked only as "J.H.", meaning that some Hollywood ego was trying to hide their identity, as if any sensible paparazzo would brave 95 degree temperatures to climb an electrified fence just to take pictures of a sweaty B-list celebrity hack away at Spaldings. Eddie was working on his third lemonade when his 3:45 walked in: Jill Hennessy. She told him that the other three from her party opted out, deciding instead to check out The Vines at some members only club downtown. She felt bad (and hated the band), so she decided to go golfing anyway. By the third hole, Jill was exhausted and sick of golf. She offered Eddie $300 and a handjob as compensation for his wasted time, and he gladly accepted.

April 5, 2003 (1:41 a.m. CST)
My last entry was supposed to be a bit longer, but my ride arrived and I was forced to end where I did.

My impressions of the concert? Well, Keith Urban (the opening act) impressed with his set, but Kenny Chesney came off a bit... um... gay. He seemed to be flirting with his (rather flamboyant) fiddle player. When he played his well-known songs, video clips would play on a series of screens mounted behind the stage. During his rendition of "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem," the screen showed clips of a topless Chesney cavorting and frolicking on the beach with his equally topless bandmates. Not "beach football and noogies" horseplay, but "wrestling and groping" horseplay. When Chesney turned to some songs from his earlier albums, he started to look a bit more hetero, but he never completely redeemed himself. Maybe it was the sleeveless Rolling Stones t-shirt or maybe it was the shark's tooth necklace. Maybe it was the fact that he did more prancing around than guitar playing. We don't know.

Just when I thought that the curiousness of my search engine referrals was dying off, this happens:
Matallica midi files songs -- Sometimes, my referrals act as a spellchecker. If, by some crossing of the threads of our common illiteracy, some searcher chooses the same misspelling for a word that I do, then I know about it and fix it. Thank you, dummies! (7th, Google)
obvious circumcision scar -- I haven't noticed one on Mr. Happy, but I don't claim to have inspected many uncircumsized penises. (484th, Google.fi)
Actress Haircuts - Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama -- She did have lovely hair in that movie, didn't she? Can I cut yours to look like Reese's? No. So don't come here looking for help. (6th, Google)
image urinals winnipeg -- I've peed in many of them, but I don't have the pictures to prove it. Notable urinals in the city include the steel troughs at the Winnipeg Arena and the ancient porcelain in the boys bathroom in my old elementary school (which likely dated to the 1920s). As of today, urinal.net (yes, it does exist) has yet to feature a urinal from Winnipeg. Maybe I'll change that this summer. (5th, Google)
animated kitesurfer -- Jeez, they'll make cartoons out of anything these days. (9th and 10th, Google)
james van der beek's shoe size -- I'm going to take an uneducated guess and say 11 EE. (2nd, Google)

April 4, 2003 (6:17 p.m. CST)
Today was the Rangers' home opener at the Ballpark. Guess what...the Rangers suck! The bullpen served up a 6-4 victory to the Seattle Mariners. GOAT OF THE DAY: Pitcher Frank Cordero, who gave up three walks and two runs in an inning's work. TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 160 (Oakland lost.)

April 4, 2003 (5:32 p.m. CST)
If celebrities can do it, then why not hockey commentators? Last weekend, the CBC's Don Cherry and Ron Maclean debated Canada's non-involvement in the war in Iraq on Hockey Night in Canada's Coach's Corner. Cherry, Canada's version of a hockey-playing and garish suit-wearing Archie Bunker, was upset with the reaction of Montreal Canadiens fans to the playing of "the Star-Spangled Banner" prior to a game against the Islanders. This sparked a seven-minute debate between him and his cohost Maclean. Cherry is well-known for getting off-topic and for sparking controversy with his opinions, so this isn't much of a surprise.

It must suck to live in L.A., especially when they keep discovering fault lines that run underneath the busiest parts of downtown. And this is what it looked like before the new fault was identified.

I know I promised that I wouldn't be commenting on the situation in Iraq, so two war-related links in one post may seem a bit contrary. I couldn't resist this one. Proof that everything comes full circle, even with precision-guided munitions: the British military is reverting to the most basic of projectiles... hunks of stone. Well, hunks of concrete. Laser-guided concrete bombs capable of taking out armored vehicles without leveling adjacent buildings. I hear they're building a trebuchet on the USS Kitty Hawk now.

April 4, 2003 (5:29 a.m. CST)
A thunderstorm just rolled in. One reason I think I'd find it very difficult to leave Texas is the thunderstorms. Fed from the warm Gulf waters, they're so much more primal and violent than the storms that used to hit Winnipeg. There is a trade-off -- isn't there always? -- being that the same energy that makes the storms so spectacular also contributes to the formation of tornadoes. And we all know about Texas and its twisters.

I've submitted a few songs to the the Truck Driver's Gear Change Hall Of Shame. I have no idea when the songs I submitted (LiveonRelease's "I'm Afraid of Britney Spears" and half of Shania Twain's catalog) will make their way to the list, but I'll be checking regularly.

April 4, 2003 (2:34 a.m. CST)
The Rangers have a travel day, so I'll have to direct my wrath elsewhere. Let's try the Dallas Cowboys' 2003 schedule. It's not looking too pleasant, folks. The bye comes in Week 3 (before most players get banged up and really need it), and is followed by an away game against an opponent (the Jets) who is much better than last season's record implies. The NFC East is matched against the AFC East for cross-divisional play, meaning that the 'Boys have to contend with the Jets, Dolphins, Bills and Panthers. Out of all the games, only the Panthers and Lions stick out as being "easy," but don't quote me on that. As for finishing the season playing the Saints (a team with strong playoff potential) in the Superdome... Oy.

Here are some more random snippets from early-morning television, ones that carry a more martial air these days:
"The coalition's plan for regieme change is fraught with problems...in my many years of experience as a bankruptcy attorney...you are not in charge here...two-room DirecTV system with professional installation...what is the relevance of this, what is the meaning of this, what is the context of this...mixers, translators, drivers...where she's being hospitalized at a U.S. military...we have been asking senior British Army...belt buckle and you can hide...just in the spotlight...they have been superb with shepherding us...everything inlaid, truly a work of art...we think that the Syrian presence...while at the same time moving inexorably forward...there's a witness you don't know about, Captain...I can't be taking any paddling; I got a lot of German shrapnel back there...after nineteen years...at the lumberyard I work at, they have plenty of scraps...what they need to do to surrender, to capitulate...the closest you're going to to come to Nirvana in the stock market...he needed to be sure no evidence was jeopardized...taking care of the artillery and other threats...and my mama tried...balances three blades on a central pivot...of all the festivities from New Orleans' Bourbon Street...before shacking up with Jack and Janet...the way you present yourself for all your worst critics to see...hard to talk to leaders like Charles de Gaulle...the family farm never got sold...in 1995, the DNA database doesn't exist...resistance that no one counted on stubbornly persists...more than just technique, it's a passion...previously thought they could never afford...by targeting your powerhouse...the coroner's preliminary report...you're a good fighting man...Shane Battier's three-pointer...sell their best player just to make payroll...the nitrogen one...with its unique rattle chamber...feel like I'm gonna puke...the vessel that takes the scientists...only two-tenths of a second behind...the controls look like gum..."

Tomorrow, I go to a concert...my first since moving here almost two years ago. A friend from work (who's since quit) had a few extra tickets to the Kenny Chesney concert at the Smirnoff Music Centre in Dallas' Fair Park. (On a side note, I will freely admit to liking the British spelling of "centre" over the American one. But when in Rome...) Prior to the invitation, I couldn't name a Kenny Chesney song to save my life. That has since changed.

April 2, 2003 (11:35 p.m. CST)
Another day, another Rangers loss. Unlike last night, where they were beat the moment they took the field, the boys stayed in this one for a few innings. Things were manageable until the bottom of the fifth, when John Thomson blew up and the bullpen failed to bail him out. This led to the squandering of the three run rally from the previous frame and the inevitable 11-5 loss. On a positive note, the top of the order hit solidly (6 for 14, 2 HR, 4 RBI) with A-Rod notching his 300th career homer. GOAT OF THE NIGHT: Rookie Mark Teixeira, who is oh-forever and has stranded 7 runners in the two games he's played. TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER: 161

Just three oddball searches today:
tom and jerry punch bowl set white porcelain -- They actually make these? I should buy one and set it beside my Rocket Robin Hood sterling tea service and my antique Inspector Gadget wine decanter. (57th, Google)
Jimmy Dean Sausage -- Mmm...sausage. (8th, Google Directory)
chloroform kylie minogue -- But which one? There were fifteen Kylies in her last video (and who said cloning was a bad thing?), so that'd require a lot of choloroform. (17th & 18th, Yahoo)

April 2, 2003 (3:21 p.m. CST)
Last night was a sorry night for the Texas Rangers, as they were skunked by the Anaheim Angels 9-0. I think that starting Chan Ho Park (L, 2.2 IP, 6 ER, 3 BB, zero SO) was the Rangers' April Fool's Day joke on its fans. How much money is this guy making again? And any time your pitchers throw as many wild pitches as they do strikeouts (3), you know you're in for trouble. GOAT OF THE NIGHT: Park TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER: 161

This Friday, the university's math department is hosting the 3rd annual Calculus Bowl. Being the Science reporter for the 'Horn, it's on me to cover it. We're running a brief (three paragraph outline) on the Calc Bowl tomorrow, followed by a large feature article on Tuesday or Wednesday. My original take on the Calc Bowl was:

The Mathematics Department will host its third annual Calculus Bowl tomorrow evening between 4 and 6 p.m. in 102 Pickard Hall. The competition pits teams from 22 area high schools against each other in mortal combat to determine who will be the "Lords of the Derivative." The winning team will be awarded $200 in gift certificates, a plaque and the severed heads of their opponents for display outside the entrance to their school.

March 31, 2003 (4:08 a.m. CST)
They won! The Rangers won! And they kept the Angels to three runs! TEXAS RANGERS MAGIC NUMBER = 161

I'm setting Tuesday as "Turnaround Day." It's the day I'm choosing to redouble my efforts in all things to do with school, so I make it out of the semester in one piece. I need to sort some things out with my student loans, and with the Bursar's Office. I need to finish an overdue term paper. I need to meet with my Brit Lit prof. I need to write more stories for the newspaper. Tuesday, it all turns around. Tomorrow? Heh. Different story.

I need one more thing to validate this blog entry. What could I use... Oh! A random GIS result! Is this a wax figure or an actor? I cannot make up my mind either way, but that is a splendid chalice that he has there, isn't it? Lucky guy. (Or figurine.)

I don't have much more to add right now...

March 31, 2003 (3:00 a.m. CST)
I put together a couple of Photoshop comparisons, just to illustrate how much Jim Neidhart and I look alike:

It takes an awfully-big asshat to turn my mom into a warhawk. Hell, my mother's more pro-war than I am, and I'm fully in favor of ousting Hussein. And Mum used to criticize my conservative politics...