This is the twelfth archive page for my blog, covering parts of March 2003.
My blog's like the Mafia: everytime you think you're out, you get dragged back in. An hour ago, I was tired, listless and unwilling to write. Then the caffeine kicked in, and a few ideas came to mind. So, instead of loping off to bed like a good husband, I'm back at the keyboard writing another entry.
Another day, another SB3 "Blogger Council" vote survived. There's only three of us left from the original ten, so things get interesting from here on in. Assuming Ben has the coin, I'm also guaranteed a prize of some sorts (which is nice, but I submitted my name out of blog whoredom rather than the need to win a prize). I assumed that I was done like dinner this tme around, but I pulled my best Keanu Reeves impression and ducked the slow-motion CG bullets yet again.
While on the subject of online games, check out my NCAA bracket. Heh, I called all of the Final Four teams. I rock. And it looks like I have the Fark 3 title wrapped up, but that statement may be a bit premature... Cross your fingers for me, because I'm three wins away from a Top 100 finish in one of the most competitive Fantasy Sports leagues in the world. Currently, I'm ranked 3896 of over 500,000 entries (including incomplete entries, over a million people registered to play). Yay me.
Since I haven't blogged for three days, I knew this was going to be a longish post. And what
better way to waste space than with inexplicable search engine referrals?
low
cut pink wrestling singlet -- Some of us have celebrity doppelgangers. My father's
was actor Vic Morrow, famous for the TV series
Combat! and for dying during the
filming of Twilight Zone: The Movie. Mine is
Jim 'The Anvil' Neidhart, a professional
wrestler who hit his peak in the late 1990s. The resemblance is frightening. Oh yeah, Jim wears
a low-cut neon pink wrestling singlet. (59th, Yahoo)
james
king heroine chic stretched out on couch -- Here's a guy who knows what he
wants...and I don't have it. Does "heroine chic" involve wearing spandex and capes. Something
tells me that Halle Berry has oodles of it. (2nd, Google)
Californian
State on Bestiality on the Internet -- Here's another search with several possible
intents, ones that couldn't be less alike. Does he want to know what the average California
resident thinks about Web pages about dogfucking? Is he looking for state statutes? Did his
copy of Buggering Goats for Fun and Profit recently arrive? (28th, Google)
Uncle
Jesse porn -- "Now you boys be careful out there...and take your time. Lots of
time. I have...er, some whittling to do. The cameras? It's...a documentary. About whittlin'.
For Hazzard County Public Access. Now git!" (5th, Google Directory)
pic
of christina aguilera striped -- When will people learn how to spell? Hey dipshit,
it's "stripped" (both the title of her album and the condition she was in during that Rolling
Stone photo shoot). So, as a public service, the pics this person was looking for can be found
here
(one pop-up). Unless, of course, the person was looking for "striped" pictures of Xstina, ones
with her pained to look like a zebra. (3rd, Yahoo)
.edu
/ notes of shit ("jimmy neutron") -- Sure, buddy. (3rd, MSN)
Currently playing on Winamp: Rollins Band - Ghostrider
March 28, 2003 (3:18 a.m. CST)
A few additional things that didn't fit into the last entry...
Some positive news on my NCAA bracket. After a rough second round -- especially in the South regionals, where only one of my picks is still alive -- the Sweet 16 has treated me relatively well. I did surprisingly well in the East, picking Auburn to make it as far as the third round, and correctly predicting the Butler upset. I'm still looking good for my Marquette/Texas/Syracuse/Kansas Final Four. Who would've thunk it, eh?
In a bit of local news, Dallas City Council has prohibited panhandling. One of the chief opponents of the ordinance: the Dallas Fire Department, who hit up motorists stopped at highway overpasses for donations to their Fill The Boot campaign. Most panhandlers that I've seen in the DFW area are much nicer than Winnipeg. Back home, if you were waiting for a bus downtown after nightfall, odds were almost even that a drunken streetperson would accost you for money. Sometimes I'd pony up, digging into my pockets past the twonies and loonies to offer a few quarters. Sometimes I'd refuse, usually if I was broke or the bum was drunk, rude or really smelly. And by my standards, that'd be one stinky derelict.
An addendum to my previous post: Bitching about being depressed actually made me feel better. Fuck therapy, I have a blog.
Currently playing on Winamp: John Lennon - Imagine
March 28, 2003 (2:21 a.m. CST)
Feh. I'm depressed. Only 12 hours ago, I was giddy. I was happily fleshing out the last bits
of my Immunity Challenge entry for SB3 and getting ready for an evening with Caramelhead. After
submitting the last part of the entry, the two of us headed to the mall to participate in the
glory of consumerism. After that, a few conversations with SB3 people. During one of those
conversations, I related two similar tales from my IRC days, when my heart was bruised and/or
broken by girls who waited until several hundred miles had been traveled before letting me know
that other men had won their favor (on one occasion I was the visitor, the other I was the
visitee). Why this got me down, I don't know. At present, I'm happily married, so why should I
worry any more about prospective lovers who jilted me six or seven years ago. I shouldn't, so I
won't.
As for the shopping trip, our booty consisted of a pair of running shoes for the wife, a pair of t-shirts for me, an Easter card for our niece, a romance novel for Caramelhead and magazines for each of us. One worrisome question: why does one suburban Fort Worth mall need TWO candle stores? If you know, e-mail me. We'll talk.
As for the IC entries? I think they came out really well. There's five in all, complete with an MP3 and three "screencaps." Start with #1 and work your way upwards. The songs -- the focus of the challenge -- were the least troublesome aspects of the challenge. The MP3 was the bitch of the bunch, requiring two downloads (the MIDI backing track and the mixing software demo), the purchase of a microphone headset and several frustrating hours singing badly and learning how to mix the tracks. The screencaps posed their own problems... The first one ('The Markes of Hazzard') may have been the easiest, with the most effort devoted to matching the color of the server to the orange on the real General Lee. It did require me to download a 'Dukes' font. The second screencap ("LiveJournalFriends") was the least rewarding. In order to get the opening credits screencap, I had to download the first part of an episode, pause the .avi, take a screenshot and then edit it. I even went was far to add in my own NBC logo in the bottom corner. The final screencap ('CSI: Honolulu') may be my favorite. Aside from making my rival Stacia look like a white woman with Down's Syndrome, the toughest thing in the pic was adding the freaking palm tree. All the songs came out well, with my favorites being the 'Dukes' and 'The Facts of Life' parodies. I got to namedrop Alan Thicke and I got to be Mindy Cohn for a day! Well, kinda...
I'm hard up for odd referrals. Maybe the good ones were lost in the usual crap, but three
stood out:
"fucking"
e-greeting cards -- Because nothing says "I miss you" like hardcore pornography!
Here's a word to the wise Web surfer: when utilizing search engines, placing one word in
quotation marks does nothing except give you licence to make the Dr. Evil finger gestures.
(19th, Yahoo)
winnipeg
lonely women phone numbers -- Dude, if this is what it's come to, then you're better
off walking out onto the street screaming "Hey lonely ladies, can I have your phone numbers?" At
least you'll get some kind of human interaction, probably when the police come to arrest your
ass. (2nd, Google)
pot
belly pig breeders in calgary -- From lonesome girls in Winnipeg to pigs in Calgary.
It seems that I'm the guy to consult when looking for female companionship when in the Prairies.
(4th, Google.ca)
Currently playing on Winamp: The Cardigans - Happy Meal II
March 26, 2003 (1:44 p.m. CST)
Although it has nothing to do with war in the Middle East and everything to do with undersea
creatures, you won't be seeing the video for "Rock Lobster" on
MTV Europe. The network has decided to shelve all B-52s
videos for the duration of the war in Iraq, for fear that the band's militaristic name may upset
viewers. That's funny, U2 got its name from an American spy plane (one that has seen limited
service in Iraq recently). Don't expect MTV Europe to ban Bono & Co., because a) they're
European and b) they're popular.
No workout data, wait until after work.
Currently playing on Winamp: Our Lady Peace - Automatic Flowers
March 26, 2003 (3:06 a.m. CST)
There's a nasty sucking noise coming from Arlington, and it has nothing to do with
politicians in shower caps. You know it and I know it...it's the Rangers. ESPN'com's Phil
Rogers thinks that Buck
Showalter may be the man to change the sucking into something else. I just hope it's not
blowing.
While checking my referrals tonight, I found something a little out of the ordinary. (What has life become when the phrase "frenchie davis nude" can be considered "everyday"?) Until I know the problem has been fixed, I respectfully decline to mention any specifics. At least I know that I'm not the asshole anymore!
Of course, not all the referring pages absolve me of the horrible things I've done.
Sometimes, they condemn me further...take these for example:
"cracker
barrel beef stew" -- After I left AT&T Broadband, I applied for a job at Cracker
Barrel, perhaps making their wonderful stew. I had a short telephone interview, which went very
well and was followed by a second interview at the local restaurant. I didn't get the job, but
the point was made moot by JCPenney, who hired me a few days after Cracker Barrel passed on me.
(2nd, Yahoo)
places like
kazaa -- I visited a place like KaZaA once. It was an Algerian bazaar in some
nameless town on the fringes of the Sahara desert. People would steal things, then trade or
sell them as if they were their own. That is, until Hillary Rosen came over and delivered court
orders to all of us. Needless to say, we ate her. In other words, KaZaA is not a place,
assmunch. It's a thing. Get your nouns straight. (3rd, Yahoo)
Floodway
+Roblin +April -- Ah, the Winnipeg Floodway, otherwise known as "Duff's Ditch" or
"Roblin's Folly". That folly has saved Winnipeg from devastating floods dozens of times since
its opening about 40 years ago. And yes, the floodwaters usually crest sometime in early
April. (23rd, Altavista)
Currently playing on Winamp: The New Duncan Imperials - Polka Pocahontas
March 26, 2003 (12:35 a.m. CST)
I spent much of the last hour typing one-handed while chatting with my friend Spanky. No,
I wasn't pulling it; I was riding my exercise bike. Because it's a recumbent bike, I can't face
the monitor/keyboard while riding, nor can I lay the keyboard down on my lap. So I parked the
bike parallel to my desk and typed with my right hand. I haven't ridden the bike since the move
(truthfully, it's been much longer than that), so it took a bit of mindbending to work out the
logistics of riding and surfing simultaneously.
I'm going to keep track of my progress in my blog. No, this is not going to suddenly become a "How Much Weight Have I Lost" blog, so don't worry. I'm going to keep track of mileage and time...nothing else. Well, that's a lie. I'm going to chart my progress based on a hypothetical trip from here to Winnipeg, using my trusty State Farm/Rand McNally Road Atlas. The atlas places the trip between Dallas and Winnipeg at 1308 miles, so we'll use that as a starting point. I'm also going to use various towns and cities as waypoints, so you can keep track of me on my journey. I'll also be using Mapquest to show my position, for all of you that are graphically-inclined. So without further tarrying:
Gord's virtual bike trek (Day 1)
Total distance from Ft. Worth to Winnipeg: 1308 miles
Mileage coverered today: 7.3 miles (Where's Gord now?)
Riding duration (min:sec): 35:25
Remaining mileage: 1300.7 miles
Last waypoint passed: Ft. Worth, TX
Next waypoint: Denton, TX (20.7 miles remaining)
And now I'm going to spoil the ride by running to Albertsons and buying doughnuts.
Currently playing on Winamp: Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald
March 25, 2003 (4:27 a.m. CST)
At first, I was at a loss for something to write this morning. To remedy this, I walked
the dog and took some time to digest the events of the past few days. At this time of the
year, North Texas nights are beautiful: the damp southeast winds that blow in from the Gulf
haven't hit yet, so the air is dry and mild. Perfect weather for camping. If I lived outside
the city (as I might, in two or three years time), I'd plop myself down on a hill and
stargaze. But here, the runway lights from DFW
team up with those of the local corn dog factory, the
Motorola plant and the
Haggar Clothing complex to block out most of the
starlight. Just you wait, my pretties, I'll see you soon enough.
As a substitute for real content, here's more search engine referrals:
"hungarian
prostitute" -- When my good friend Devon went to Europe after getting his degree
from the University of Winnipeg, he spent a month living in Budapest. Because I've never been
overseas, I have to take it on his authority that Hungarian women are the prettiest in the
world. Maybe even the ones you have to pay for. (5th, Google.au)
geology
ukrainian steppes -- These searches have an Eastern European flavor to them, don't
they? (18th, Google.co.uk)
espn Uday
Hussein -- The logic behind these search criteria escaped me until I remembered
that Uday is the head of Iraq's Olympic committee, and that he tortures athletes who fail to
perform well. Of all the legacies to leave behind, I think torturer of amateur athletes is
one of the worst in the sporting world. It's just a bit worse than "multi-millionaire basketball
player who chokes his coach," but probably better than "hockey coach who habitually molested
his young charges." (13th, Yahoo)
umfa
strike 1995 picket -- Ah, the UMFA strike. In Fall 1995, most of the faculty from
the University of Manitoba hit the picket lines after negotiations with the university came
to loggerheads over the issues of pension double-dipping and tenure. As one of my first
assignments for the Manitoban, I wrote a few stories covering various aspects of the
strike. (3rd, Google.ca)
Maybe I'll transcribe another Toban article tomorrow evening. Until then, I'm going
to leave you another installment of "The Best of Gord's Blog."
On the way home, I drove seemingly into a cloud that was warning me: "Don't go home Gord!
Danger awaits you there! Certain death lies unseen!" Each streak of lightning flashed its
own warning. "What ruse is this, oh Sky?" I asked in return. "I challenge you, defy you to
do your worst." The stormcloud didn't get its chance to throw sleet and hail upon me, as it
retreated away from me as I rounded I-820 westward. I turned into another cloud, this time
one that resembled Droopy Dog, the
cartoon character you'd see in the shorts wedged between Tom & Jerry spots. Droopy was
staring at me, with his arms outstretched. In his right hand, he held an Emmy statue --
which struck me as being odd, as I don't recall Tom & Jerry ever winning any Emmys. I looked
away, presumably to monitor traffic, and by the time that I could look up again, Droopy had
morphed into Casper the Friendly Ghost.
In the place of the Emmy, was a pulse rifle. Casper didn't seem so friendly any more. I
passed unharmed under the muzzle of Casper's weapon, and arrived home safely, despite the
ill omens of the first cloud.
April 17, 2002 (8:42 p.m. CDT)
Yesterday, a number of tornadoes swept across the Metroplex, striking most notably near
the intersections of I-820 and I-20, flattening a pawn shop and rendering a few homes
unlivable. I was at school, just a few miles away from the worst damage, but nary a drop of
water fell on me.
Currently playing on Winamp: Pink Floyd - Take It Back
March 24, 2003 (8:19 a.m. CST)
I need a nap. And pay the phone bill. And feed the fish. And write an overdue term paper.
Nap first, I think. Yes, nap first.
Random GIS result! For a Pomeranian, Sparky plays a mean game of...uh...whatever that is. From what I can tell, he's got a handful of high trump. And a saucy bandana.
Currently playing on Winamp: Reel Big Fish - Take On Me
March 24, 2003 (4:49 a.m. CST)
Originally, I wasn't going to blog tonight. I changed my mind.
Random thoughts from Sunday night's Oscar broadcast:
- The first bad pun of the night occurred less than halfway into the half-hour ABC pseudo-Red Carpet special. Following a segment about the best Oscar gowns ever worn, the host quipped "As always, it's 'Frock Around the Clock' here at the Oscars." (or something very similar.)
- There should be a law prohibiting the use of animated characters in award show broadcasts. It didn't work very well last year with the characters from Shrek, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius and Monsters, Inc. "attending" the ceremony. And it flopped in trainwreck fashion with a poorly-voiced CG Mickey Mouse trading lame jokes with Jennifer Garner (clad in a dress that looked a half-size too small). Next year, just have Mike Myers or John Goodman announce the nominees, show a clip and let that be it.
- Since I mentioned clips, I'm bitter that the producers failed to play clips for each actor and actress prior to announcing the winners of the five acting awards. Not everybody watched the pre-show, and even then, no clips were shown of either of the nominees of About Schmidt, or of Paul Newman. Essentially, if your film wasn't up for the Best Picture award, and you were nominated in one of the four acting categories, then nobody saw your clip.
- Academy Award winner Eminem. Say that aloud. Try it on for size. Just the fact that he was nominated opens up the door to Marshall Mathers joining the Academy. And while winning an Oscar doesn't seal his admission, it does make it harder to keep him out. And it brings the phrase "And the Oscar goes to... DMX!" a little closer to being a possibility.
- The idea of Sean Connery saying "Queen Latifah" made me giggle. (Between Em and Latifah, it was a pretty good day for hip-hop at the Kodak Theatre.)
- Catherine Zeta Jones = pregnantest Oscar winner ever. (Is "pregnantest" a real word?)
- And you thought Sean Penn had been frozen out of the business. I can't imagine Michael Moore gettng invited to many parties (outside of the Sarandon-Streisand set, of course) in the next few years.
- Not having the gaping maws of the Rivers women on the red carpet did deprive us of the chance to mock the celebrity fashion faux pas. Judging from what I did see and the photo gallery on oscar.com, there were a few doozies. Cloris Leachman and the mistletoe in her hair. Diane Lane going to designers asking for a dress to match her feather duster. Mario Van Peebles and his leather tux/silk scarf combo. Hillary Swank borrowing from the Björk/Lara Flynn Boyle tutu closet.
- And finally, Kate Hudson butchered the word "aesthetically." Yes Kate, it is a good word.
I paid a visit to the user forums for Master of Orion 3. I bought MOO3 with high hopes, but the game turned out to be surprisingly mediocre considering the time it took to develop it. Thankfully, it looks like a series of updates are on the way. Even better is the openness the developers have towards user mods. Only if other software companies were as open as Quicksilver...
After taking a hiatus yesterday, some more referrals:
"ted
koppel is a waffle" -- Maybe, but he's a waffle with a pretty hot daughter.
Actually, this is a line from an old Bloom County comic strip that pitted the Banana Jr
6000 against Mr. Rogers. And now, both the strip and Fred Rogers are gone. :(
(2nd, Google)
abandoned
florida raillines -- Overgrown train tracks are both a beautiful and morose
thing. Beautiful in that it's a distinctly North American image, but sad in the fact that
many small towns were abandoned along with that railroad's route. (1st, AOL)
mononucleiosis
-- I've never had mono, which would explain why I can't spell the disease's full name.
For the record, it's "mononucleosis." (20th, Yahoo)
naked
treeplanting -- I've been naked, and I've planted trees. Never the twain shall
meet, as far as I'm concerned. The #1 link for this search leads to a Silvaram page; I
worked for the 'Ram during the summer of 1996. That, my friends, is a story unto itself.
(9th, Yahoo Canada)
Currently playing on Winamp: Nelly - Dem Boyz
March 23, 2003 (5:43 a.m. CST)
Short update. Tired and frustrated.
I have given up on Moveable Type. Maybe it's me, but I'm thinking that there's some admin-level configuration that has to be done before the thing will work. It's not worth the hassle, at least not until I have more control over how the server is run.
Currently playing on Winamp: Metallica - The Unforgiven
March 22, 2003 (3:39 a.m. CST)
From Fark.com: All the moonshiners have packed up
their stills in favor of small-scale
crystal meth labs. I'm not sure what scares me more: hillbillies wired on crank or the
fact that I just posted a link from the Christian Science
Monitor. For now, I'll stick with the dirteaters and their methamphetamine operations...
Caramelhead and I were a bit upset to hear of the cancellation of the red carpet extravaganza that usually precedes the Academy Awards. I watch the Oscars mainly because I'm a pop-culture whore, but also because there's a voyeuristic quality to movie stars wearing $10,000 dresses. One positive side effect of the backdoor entrances: no celebrity anti-war statements. I got my fill at the Grammys, thank you.
Lies. All of this is false. Do not believe!
She looked at him in a grandmotherly way, which was not how you were supposed to gaze upon your lover. She said she always looked at him that way when she came, but his eyes were usually closed. Or focused on her belly button. Ten years later, he would boast about how he used to shag Julianne Moore. He tells his compatriots how they would spend the afternoons in bed, exchanging farts and making fun of the horrible scripts she had been sent. But ended when Robin Givens gave him gonorrhea after a drunken attempt at fucking in the alley behind the Viper Room. After that, he bounced from lover to lover, slowly growing more bitter and less famous. Epiphanies strike at the strangest moment, and for him it was shortly after being fellated by Erika Eleniak in the fall of 1998. All at once, he knew he had to leave Hollywood, return to Indiana and start up that bicycle shop he always told his lovers about.
Will the strangeness ever stop?
"pornographic"
+"garden gnomes" -- Well, most garden gnomes are male, which would imply that
at least one person in the world has a fetish for homosexual lawn ornaments.
(23rd, Google)
naked
pictures of bea arthur -- First of all, this person can't spell. But, as
uneducated he/she may be, I do appreciate their taste in women. (7th, Yahoo)
Shawn
Kehoe Winnipeg -- *sniff* My Flounder has made it! Shawn is my little-little
brother from my fraternity and, like me, a former president of the chapter. After I moved
out of the DU House, it was Shawn who inherited my room. I miss the big lug. (5th, Google)
Currently playing on Winamp: LiveonRelease - I'm Afraid Of Britney Spears
March 21, 2003 (3:47 a.m. CST)
Before I write anything of (self-perceived) significance, I need to drop a link down.
READ MY SHORTHORN ARTICLES, MOM. (You too, Google. Update your
damn cache.)
I started to bitch about how the media is handling the Iraq conflict, but it started to get wordy. So now my new rant "And Iraq. Iraq (So Far Away)." is where it belongs, on the Rants page. And yes, that most certainly was an A Flock of Seagulls reference I snuck in there. I'm such a geek.
Finally, a random GIS result. Cows. Moo.
Currently playing on Winamp: 'Til Tuesday - Voices Carry
March 20, 2003 (11:52 p.m. CST)
I had this dream where I was driving across a featureless plain, the only things of
note being the clouds of dust being kicked up by the other vehicles in our convoy. Dawn was
starting to break, and at anytime we expected to see people rush up to us to either welcome
us or kill us. But nobody came. What... that was CNN? Oh. My bad.
Tomorrow, I need to get a haircut. I'm looking, in the opinion of my esteemed wife, shaggy and unprofessional. My response: "So?"
A trio of inexplicable search engine referrals:
lassoing
fish in tennessee illegal -- Unless you're using the Photoshop lasso tool.
That's perfectly fine. (6th, Google)
pics
of sexy girls in burqa -- How would you know? For all you know, that's Joan
Rivers lurking underneath that veil. (2nd, Google)
paris
hilton nude pictures -- You know *someone* has them. Leonardo Dicaprio, own up
already! You too Tobey Maguire! (22nd, Yahoo)
Currently playing on Winamp: The Tragically Hip - Springtime In Vienna (Live)
In a rare display of intuition, my apartment complex installed a dog waste disposal site by one of the pedestrian gates. It's an impressive little setup: half-garbage can and half-dogshit baggie dispenser. Last fall (a typically dry period in this region), the grass on either side of two blocks of sidewalk was dotted with piles of turds. It stayed that way for several weeks until a heavy rain broke the offending fecal matter down. I even had an angry neighbor whose balcony had a prime view of the crapgarden scream obscenities in my direction at 1 a.m. when I was walking my dogs. Since then, we've been pretty religious about picking up after our pets, but the problem comes and goes, partially due to people like our upstairs neighbor, who lets his dog take a dump at the foot of the stairwell... and leaves it. Maybe, this will send a message.
Currently playing on Winamp: New Kids On The Block - Hangin' Tough
March 20, 2003 (1:49 a.m. CST)
An addendum to my bit of bracketology:
the picks of SB3's Joey
Michaels, who has Wake Forest beating Tulsa in the finals. To understand how he made
his picks, check out the link.
Lola wanted me to clarify something. Last night's post may sound like I intended to give her a head start, or that she didn't earn those points. Incorrect. Her first word was WEALTHS, which earned her a shitload of points and impressed my panties off. After turn three, however, it was all me baby! ALL ME!
In speaking of Lola, the girl has enthralled me enough to reinstall AIM and revive my long-dead screenname. I'm surprised AOL still remembers me, as it's been close to three years since I registered (and quickly abandoned) it. Maybe I have an enduring personality. Then again, maybe the AOL techs perform server maintenance about as often as they change their underwear. OOH! Low blow!
Anybody who read my blog last spring and summer (all six of you) should remember one of the recurring themes... that the Texas Rangers suck. In a year, not much has changed. This was what one of the Fox 4 sportscasters had to say: "And the Rangers win it 16-12. Get used to scores like that this year." According to ESPN.com's Spring Pitching Stats, the Rangers' projected starting rotation has ERAs of 4.69, 5.58, 6.43, 7.05 and 11.56. That last figure belongs to possible Opening Day starter Chan Ho Park, who hasn't made much of a case for justifying his $6,884,803 salary. If it wasn't so funny, I'd cry.
Finally, a smattering of seach engine referrals.
blowjob
to my driver instructor -- Honey, I failed my first driving test too, but I
never thought I needed my license badly enough enough to warrant fellatio.
(9th, Google.it)
snow
white party goods -- Are we talking about Snow White or sexy Snow
White? (43rd, Google)
special
force Hezbollah game download -- What, did they want to practice surrendering?
(1st, Google.fr)
+uday
+hussein +testicle -- Maybe, when the war's done, the athletes will be able
to torture Uday instead. (5th, Yahoo)
Currently playing on Winamp: Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch
March 20, 2003 (1:03 a.m. CST)
Since so many people have been arriving at my site when looking for NCAA brackets in
Excel format, I figure I'll share my own bracket predictions in their full ASCII glory.
(You'll have to trust me, it cooler in the source code, before I started formatting it.)
Instead of belching out my entire bracket, here's how it pans out starting with the
Elite Eight:
Kentucky (1) --+ +- Texas (1)
MIDWEST ¦- Marquette -+ +- Texas ----¦ SOUTH
Marquette (3) -+ ¦ SYRACUSE! ¦ +- Xavier (3)
¦ ¦ ¦
¦- Kansas ----- Syracuse -¦
¦ ¦
Kansas (2) ----+ ¦ ¦ +- Louisville (4)
WEST ¦- Kansas ----+ +- Syracuse -¦ EAST
Illinois (4) --+ +- Syracuse (3)
I just realized that all of my Sweet Sixteen picks are the 1-4 ranked squads in the region. I can't justify picking Weber St. to beat Dayton, or having the Illini fall to Notre Dame. I'm thinking of putting Auburn through to the third round, just for the hell of it. Besides, most of the world has Duke going down to Creighton, so I can't hop on that bandwagon. (But I can always hope, can't I?)
MP3 most recently downloaded: Lennon - Property of Goatfucker
March 19, 2003 (1:59 a.m. CST)
Triumphant I am! I swept all the games of the SB3 Literati tournament, winning each game
by a healthy margin. Poor Ben (playing for the Utah-bound Noah), he nearly blew a gasket when
I hooked LOGGER into LOGGERS, then into SLOGGERS (with the bingo word SOILING) shortly
afterwards. After the official games, I played a friendly against the self-professed "Queen
of the Bingo Words," Lola. I spotted her 80 points
-- I was waiting for her to drop a 'B', 'G', or 'I' so I could play BAGGIEST or GABBIEST --
but roared back to take the game.
As for Lola, she is adorable. We had a great conversation after our game, when the room had cleared of the other players. Go to her site and say nice things about her. Then blame me when she calls the FBI on you.
It's been a while since I posted a random GIS result. So here we go -- this is the newly-crowned WBA heavyweight champion Roy Jones Jr., shortly after defending his light heavyweight titles against overmatched Englishman Clinton Woods last September. Woods learned the same lesson that John Ruiz learned last month (and that Mike Tyson himself may learn soon)... don't fuck with Roy Jones Jr.
Currently playing on Winamp: Janet Jackson - Miss You Much
March 18, 2003 (8:13 p.m. CST)
We're almost done the first round of the Immunity Challenge LIterati tournament, and I
have the game well in hand. I'm up by 66 points on my nearest competitor, meaning I should
make the next round without problems. Yay me!
I'm going to drop down a few odd referrals while I wait for my next turn:
"nelly
furtado" "masturbate to" -- I have too, on occasion, but the world doesn't want
to know about it! (9th, Google)
Joe
Poplawski Jersey -- I can't imagine the market for CFL throwback jerseys is strong,
especially for caucasian Canadian receivers. (7th, Google)
computer
renaissance winnipeg store hours -- My experience with this chain was bad. After
buying Frankencomputer. I needed old school RAM, and they wanted to charge me and arm and a
leg for an 8 megabyte stick. Used. Bastards. (1st, Google)
Currently playing on Winamp: U2 - Red Hill Mining Town
March 18, 2003 (6:46 p.m. CST)
I've been sharpening my claws all day. In under an hour, the fifth SB3 Immunity Challenge
will start. I have to beat three of my esteemed opponents in, of all things,
Literati. Ownage. I just need to win
another game or two to nudge my rating above 1800, just to gain the extra intimidation points.
It is possible that other three (the fourth, Noah, will be skiing and AFK at gametime) are
experienced Literati players and I could be heading for a colossal defeat. Let's hope that
isn't the case.
My mother sent another care package to us, and it arrived today. Inside were the usual goodies: Canadian chocolate bars, Old Dutch potato chips, copies of the Winnipeg Free Press and the Stonewall Argus and Teulon Times and a few other treats. Yay Rae!
Lastly, some more lies and fabrications cobbled together to make this page look more revelant:
a panicky Ted Koppel called me the other day, his usually carefully-metered voice was strangely rapid and quavering. "Gord," he said. "I did a bad thing. Sue Bird and Nomar Garciaparra were supposed to come by today, but I was stone drunk and passed out in my kitchen. I had promised to cut them a cheque for his foundation, but I think that the gardener rifled though my pockets when I was unconscious and took it. I can't believe..." At this point, Koppel broke down and began sobbing incoherently about stabbing rapper 50 Cent on a dare fron Ja Rule and how he was the one who gunned down Biggie Smalls. "B.I.G. was like a younger brother to me. Fuckin' Tupac. Fucking Suge Knight. I hate those cunts..." I hung up at this point. Like Jimmy Kimmel, I don't want Suge Knight coming for me.
MP3 most recently downloaded: Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell - Beautiful
March 17, 2003 (10:56 p.m. CST)
Looking at the time stamps for the previous two entries makes me scratch my head. It's not
often that two of my posts are separated by exactly 24 hours. How keen.
Crazy search engine results of the last 21 hours:
Uses
for Mentho-Lyptus -- Isn't the term "mentho-lyptus" just a trademark for some
combination of eucalyptus and menthol? If that's the case, then perhaps it could be used to make
refreshingly minty cigarettes for koala bears. (30th, Google)
fence
installers in Elmwood Park, IL -- I've only been to Illinois once, and that was a
drunken trip to a brothel in E. St. Louis. Don't ask. (8th, MSN)
tara
lipinski naked -- GAH! (97th, Yahoo)
joyce
dewitt facial -- I have this sneaking feeling that they weren't looking for a resumé
headshot. (3rd, Google)
Sociology-
Linoleum- UTA -- Umm... (2nd, AOL)
Currently playing on Winamp: The Breeders - Roi