Chunky, phlegmy pieces of blog

I'm number one! I'm number one! And two! And six!

I've done a few additional new nodes for E2:
Winnipeg Jets
Winnipeg Blue Bombers

I found this article intriguing: Why FM radio sucks today (old link removed). It does. I began a blog entry about this, but it turned into a rant. Read it on the Rants page by either clicking here or by using the toolbar to the left.

This summer, the OIT folks here at UTA are doing some maintenance on the computers in the Ransom Hall lab (where I am, at this minute). Essentially, this means that they reformat the hard drives and reinstall everything from a remote server. This process wipes out all of the applications installed, both advantageous and not. I was dismayed to find Audiogalaxy Satellite missing from many of the computers yesterday, but I hadn't heard about this week's settlement between the RIAA and Audiogalaxy. I logged onto AG from another (less monitored) computer lab and found every version of every song I searched for blocked. Hmm... AG was useful, as it tracked down obscure tracks that can't readily be found on Gnutella-based clients. Bugger.

Kristin pointed out that I have been negligent with my Web page (and thus my blog) this week. I suck. And I love Elsbeth, who has a name worthy of an Anglo-Saxon king.

In surprisingly less than obvious news, the Red River (of the North) is flooding again, spilling its wealth across the land (old link removed). I would post the link to the FARK.com discussion on the article, but FARK is blowing chunks right now.

As for the World Cup, all I can say is that I'm pleasantly surprised. USA, Turkey and South Korea are through to the quarterfinals. Favorites France and Argentina bowed out in the opening rounds. Mexico and three-time champions Italy were eliminated by (supposedly-) much weaker opponents. Who would've thunk it, eh? Only three European teams are left (four if you count Turkey, but that's stretching things), and only Germany was given a legitimate chance of winning at the tournament's outset.

It's been a while, but I finally got around to adding a new E2 node, for Haltom City, TX.

I should deliver pizzas.

Okay, who was the bright person who decided to close two lanes of eastbound I-635 in Irving this afternoon? That clever person should be rewarded, because traffic jams give people time to contemplate life, listen to the radio and, if your windows are sufficiently tinted, masturbate. I need more tinting.

As for listening to the radio, I almost won tickets to a Saturday concert by techno artist BT. I correctly identified all five of the bands in "The Soup," but was stumped by the movie sound bite. Apparently, it was an older movie that has achieved cult status in the gay community, which isn't my forte as a moviephile. I would be more upset, but getting to the concert would be a pain as I had to work. Jessie Diva Radio, bless her sexy heart, gave me all the hints she could muster, but I came up with nothing.

For some reason, the local gas station decided not to hire me. Maybe I was too scruffy-looking (something I would've had to change if I worked there) or maybe I was a bit too needy in the interview. Maybe they wanted someone who'd stick around longer than a year. Oh well, at least I can keep the goatee...

Every once and a while, I turn up at Lileks.com, usually after a fresh referral from my good friend Kelly. James Lileks is a journalist who writes for the Minneapolis Star-Tribune and pens a nationally syndicated column. He also has a bang up Web site full of pop culture artifacts and tchotchkes. Be sure to check out the Gallery of Regrettable Food and the Grooviest Motel in Wisconsin. Lileks also has a well known Web log, the Bleat, which will be permanently linked on the righthand sidebar.

Caramelhead and I indulged in some trainwreck TV last night: Fox's American Idol. So much horrible singing countered with the occasional flash of potential. There's no denying it, we watched for the crappy auditions (and judge Simon Cowell's subsequent ravagings). Who could forget mumbling Buddy Holly guy? Or monotone Christmas Carol guy? Or the girl in need of rhinoplasty who took a Greyhound bus to three separate auditions so that "God could fill her voice" (her words, not mine) with dissonant crap? Good times, indeed!

It's my sister's birthday! Happy birthday, Janice!

Once again, this is for Karl. Here are the big pictures from Catherine Bell's FHM photo shoot (old link removed). Grrr!

I stayed up last night to watch France lose their final World Cup match (old link removed) 2-0 to Denmark. France is now the only defending World Cup champion to be held scoreless in the whole tournament. And, in the grand tradition of The Onion and FARK.com, the French surrendered this morning.

I have one less thing to accomplish before I die. I've officially seen an astronomical phenomena, a partial solar eclipse. I timed my break at work to occur slightly before sunset, as near as possible to the maximum coverage of the solar disc. At the time my break ended (approximately 8:25 p.m. CDT), nearly half of the sun was covered. I wound up with the images of a handful of fat crescents temporarily burned into my eyelids. All fine and good, except when you're driving on a busy street.

This one's for Karl-Frederic: Entertainment Tonight has a preview of JAG's Catherine Bell (old link removed) in her cleavage-baring photo shoot for FHM. Yay titty!

Just when you thought it was safe to resume your daily life, the FBI captures an American citizen planning to shower Washington D.C. with fallout. Lovely. Does this mean that the FBI has to monitor all Muslim organizations in our penal system? Maybe it does, but I'm sure that people are already demanding it on the 24-hour news channels.

Tonight, I get to see my first partial solar eclipse. Judging from the information on this diagram, there should be a 60 per cent eclipse just before sunset when viewed rom Dallas-Fort Worth.

Finally, according to EW, I'm not old. Well, I may be extrapolating too much from this, but I'm rather familiar with 7 of EW's Eight Bands to Watch this summer. Granted, it's not exactly an avant garde list -- only Phantom Planet doesn't get played to death on Dallas' 102.1 The Edge. Until now, I didn't know Sum 41 was Canadian. It would explain how I heard "Fat Lip" in Canada several months before the band broke in the U.S., though.

In lieu of a real post, I will provide you with a short list of things my dog Cassie is afraid of (in order of severity):

• The vacuum cleaner
• Our apartment complex's sprinkler system
• Her own farts
• The dishwasher

From the intriguing news department (via FARK), we have a report that Italy is planning on building a bridge to Sicily (updated link). If a bridge can be built across the Straits of Messina, then how long will it be before Newfoundland is linked to mainland Canada? Hell, they did it for the spudpickers from ol' Prince Edward Island. I still love you, Stompin' Tom.

In tabloid news, the Weekly World News reports that a baby was born with antlers. The Globe is reporting that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant. Maybe her love child is a direct result of her drunken night in London (old link removed) a few weeks ago.

Well, I wasn't far off with my predictions, eh? Lennox Lewis knocked Mike Tyson out in the 8th round. I predicted the 6th. In fact, the match could easily have ended any round after the 4th; it was a matter of when Lewis could land the decisive blow. Good one on you, Lennox. As for Tyson, his post-match demeanor did impress me. Say what you want about him, at least he had the wisdom to admit when he was beat.

Happy birthday to Natalie Portman, who turns 21 today. While Natalie doesn't seem to have an "official" Web site, the closest thing to it seems to be Portmania (old link removed). It's as comprehensive as you can get, without crossing into the realm of being REALLY creepy.

I took my first listen to Radiohead's OK Computer on the way to work today. I feel that I'm going to need another listen or two to get the full depth of the record, as Radiohead is a challenging band (in a good way). I also got my hands on a copy of Kid A -- thanks, Fort Worth Public Library.

It looks like England doesn't have the market cornered on soccer hooligans anymore. The only thing is that England exports their hooligans, but Russia seems content with keeping their in the domestic market. Then again, I'd be upset if my national soccer team lost to Japan.

AT&T is placating us with free pizza. Granted, it *is* Pizza Hut, but it's free Pizza Hut. Fungushead and I went to Cici's Pizza a few days ago. While it wasn't free, it was the next best thing: a buffet. A cheap buffet. With half decent greasewheels. And sentence fragments. She wanted to eat at Cici's today, but the prospect of free pizza (along with time constraints) forced me to veto that idea.

I've never understood just how good Led Zeppelin was until tonight. Most know that Led Zeppelin IV is one of the best albums ever recorded. I just clued in. I feel so pedestrian...

As usual, I've been whoring my MP3s out on LimeWire. Having endured dial-up before (which is akin to tonguing electrified barbed wire), I should be more patient with people who have bad connections. However, if you can't consistently get at least 1.0 kbps downloading from me, then I will turf your ass. This brings me to another point... LimeWire has a few flaws I'd like to address: no text file logging of which files are downloaded (which is one of my favorite features of Audiogalaxy Satellite), highlighted items in your upload queue are immediately deselected when another file is added to the queue and the artist/title search is flawed. Hey, I can't complain too much. It's not like I paid for the stupid program.

My prediction for Lewis vs. Tyson (not Tyson vs. Lewis, shitheads): Lewis by TKO in the 6th. I've won money betting against Tyson before, and I think I would again.

I posted a new Favorites rant. Not much in the way of revealing material, but a juicy tidbit or two may be uncovered.

Good one on Adam Beach. He has a potentially career-making opportunity as the second male lead in John Woo's Windtalkers, opposite Nicolas Cage and Christian Slater. If, as I sincerely believe that his natural charisma will draw Hollywood to him -- both producers with roles in hand and legions of swooning females. If the message boards on the Windtalkers site are any indication, Beach is due for a big breakout. The boards also point to a swelling pride in Native Americans (and Canadians, like Beach) about this movie, and perhaps an end to some of the resentment toward Hollywood for the exclusion of aboriginals in the movie-making process. Not bad for a guy I used to play cards with in my high school cafeteria, eh?

Guess who's getting laid tonight? (Well, this afternoon considering the time zone difference.) David Beckham is! Beckham won the adulation of Englishmen when scored the game-winning goal in the England-Argentina World Cup match. I'm certainly not an England fan (go Tartan Army!), but I hate Argentina even more than England.

Gershlag.

I found this article very interesting. The Orlando Predators, an Arena Football League team, have a very special placekicker in Nick Gatto. Be sure to read the whole article, and don't skip to the bottom to look at the boobies. In the FARK.com discussion forums, I posted this: "I played rugby with a man who had two deformed arms (presumably because his mother took Thalidomide). Both of his arms were slightly longer than Gatto's stump, and he did have some fingers -- two and a thumb -- on each hand. This guy was one of our best tacklers, had 'good hands' and (also like Gatto) was one of the most consistently funny guys on our club."

I'm growing very fond of our new car. It has highway oomph, which makes me very happy. It still has that 'new car smell,' which also makes me happy. (It certainly beats 'burning motor oil smell,' to which I was starting to get accustomed.) Tomorrow is an off-day from school, but I still need to go to campus. I have to work on a Chem lab and arrange for a tow truck to cart away Orville. In a Douglas Adamsian (is that a word?) twist, Orville's current retail value is only $42. The tires are worth more than that, but new tires don't do a fuck of a lot of good on a car that doesn't start.

You'd think that I'd be able to make it through a day without spending $18,000. I guess not, because Caramelhead and I bought a car. It's not like we had much of a choice, as Orville picked today to cross into the great junkyard in the sky. I suppose we could have fixed him, but at great expense and only after a stay in some garage somewhere. Oh well, we now have a 2002 Chevy Malibu sitting in our parking spot, so it's all good.

Wish me luck in my job interview later on this morning. Please?

Ugh. Orville, why now? Why pick today to die on me? Here's hoping and praying that a few hours of cool-down time and that ice will loosen him up enough to get home. Please Orville? Hmm?

The antibiotics I'm taking for my sinus infection are doing horrible things to my digestive system. I read the warning label that came with the pills -- the horrible caplets roughly the size and shape of large lima beans, but not as easy to swallow -- but I didn't think it'd be this bothersome. I need Midol, I'm bloated.

Crappy lab is in an hour. I'm not too enthused.

Shuu-ri! Anata no Bobo Kitty-chan, nanidenowa?

I've gone almost three days without making a Natalie Portman reference. That's too long, so here's a link to an Ebay auction of an autographed pair of her panties (old link removed) (complete with a certificate of authenticity, no less). Okay, the autograph looks authentic... but purple? Hmm... seems sketchy to me.

I expected my Flonase to taste much worse than it does. Whoever said that gargantuan pharmaceutical multinationals were all bad? I don't buy it! (Okay...maybe a little.)

I finally got off my ass and added a link to the Favorites page on the mapped toolbar on the Rants page. Go me!

Continuing a theme I had going a few months ago, here's another random USPTO patent! This one is for a curette for deep pocket periodontal curettage (old link removed). Curettes for curettage? Who'd have thunk it?

In a landmark vote, the Swiss have decided to legalize abortions. Some Catholic bishops don't like the idea, presumably because it'll mean that there will be fewer children to molest further down the road. Yes, that was a cheap shot, but I've never been one much for pooh-poohing religious institutions.

It is with great pleasure that I announce my addition to DFW Blogs. Whee! I should ask them to change "ramblings" to "Chunky, phlegmy pieces of blog." I prefer the more visual title.

Quick question...Have I ever mentioned how much I hate my present job? It turns out that they've changed my break entitlement from 30 minutes (as posted in our internal database) to 15 minutes. This is despite what they have told me previously. And strangely enough (Note: Please assume biting sarcasm for the duration of this sentence. Thank you.) my corporate lackeytwat of a supervisor has conveniently forgotten all the discussions and lost all the correspondence between her and Workfarce regarding this issue. Cunt. Under ideal conditions, I'll be able to rid myself of this shithole in just over 3 man-hours of work.

I'm tempted to post something of note today, but I'm at a loss. Any suggestions?

On a very, very happy note, I'm anticipating this to be my last full shift at my shitty job. I'll probably have to head in on Wednesday to turn in my ID tags, but I should be able to leave immediately afterwards. Even the shitty traffic on I-635 and Hwy 121 won't seem anywhere as bad.

There is something very satisfying about downloading a David Hasselhoff MP3. In today's case, it's his cover of "Hooked On A Feeling" (complete with an "ooga-chaka" sample). I just know that it will be a common LimeWire upload.

A friend of mine from work told me her boyfriend of several years -- and father of her 2 1/2-year old boy -- left her for his new girlfriend. Poor girl, she seems to be holding up well. It is funny watching the 19-odd year old guy who sits across from her follow her around like a stray puppy. In the two months he's worked in my office, he's thrown himself violently at one of the cleaning ladies and at another co-worker. And to think... I used to be like that.

While doing some at-work surfing, I came across NYC Bloggers. This got me to wondering if Dallas-Ft. Worth had a counterpart. It turns out that the Metroplex does have a site unifying its bloggers: DFW Blogs. I've applied, and hopefully I should be added in due time.

My hatred for my job has reached a new low. I'm keeping track of how many hours it'll be before I quit. I'm close to the 13 man-hour mark. I can't wait.

Just when you thought that people couldn't get weirder, you find this fat guy in Spiderman body paint. Something's tingling, and it's certainly not my Spidey-sense. Wait a minute, that's my bowels churning. Ugh.

In the latest issue of Esquire magazine, Kirsten Dunst states in an interview that she will not bare her breasts in a movie, and that any role requiring her to do so would have to be rewritten before she'd accept the part. That's all well and good, but a little hypocritical when she poses for cover photos like this one:

On a related topic, I was encouraged to see that Dunst, Alicia Witt and Rachel Weisz were included on Esquire's Women We Love list. I, however, was upset to find that Natalie Portman, Lauren Ambrose (from HBO's Six Feet Under) and Bea Arthur were excluded.